thirsting for mentorship

charlotte, i hope i mother you well. i hope i teach you to mother. i hope i mentor you and that you feel you can always talk to me about anything.
i find myself longing for mentorship since becoming a mother. the Bible instructs the older women to teach the younger women ... to love their husbands and children... among other things. wow, i would love to have some of these "older" women around! i do seek them out. i'm going through a time right now though where i don't have anyone to talk with and glean wisdom from. ideally, it would be my mom and my mother-in-law i suppose. but it doesn't seem that natural unfortunately. my mom is more reserved about spiritual things and when i bring things up, i feel awkward. i hope it can be different with us charlotte. i hope i will be a godly role model, example, and teacher. i hope and pray.
i want to teach you to thrive. i want to learn to thrive myself in the process.

today i was thinking about how i don't have a lot of joy in mothering. i guess i thought i would. but when i look back on my life, i've never been a real joyful person in general. so it really isn't motherhood that is the issue, it is an internal spiritual battle for the joy of the Lord.
since you are still a baby, i don't know what your personality will be like. perhaps you will be more naturally joyful, or maybe it will be more of a struggle like it has been for me. but i can tell you this: joy in the Lord is what lasts. when i have joy in my heart, it is when i am actively seeking the Lord and focused on Him, not myself. He truly is the one that gives peace and joy. but life constantly pulls us into thinking He is somewhere "up there" -- he is actually right here in the midst of it all.

so back to mentorship. i guess this blog is a partial mentorship. i want to mentor you b/c i know how much i have longed for it. i am typically mentored by friends, books, and sometimes my mom... i know that friends and books will be part of your life. but i pray i will be a person you can come to as well.
and don't be afraid to come. don't be afraid to say what you are struggling with. you are not alone.
i love you.