it is funny b/c people see me all the time and say things like "you have your hands full." people act like i am carrying this major burden being a mother. it is a crazy perspective. a better thing to say may be "the Lord has blessed you abundantly." for He has. the Bible says that children are a blessing from the Lord. I know people with 5, 6, 8 kids... so I have 3 and I think that is pretty manageable.
of course it is good to get away and have some time for reflection, quiet, and just doing something else that i enjoy. but i am careful. i don't want to be selfish and i know my days are numbered on this earth as well as the days are numbered that my children will be home with me.
i pray often that God would give me wisdom in parenting but also that i would sit down and enjoy my children daily. it is a privilege to have children. it is a high calling. sure, overwhelming at times, but that is when I learn even more my dependence on God.
i was telling rudy today that i have always been a try-er. i try and i try and i want to do what is best no matter what. but in each season of life i am seeing that being a try-er is just not that satisfying b/c i come up short. more than trying, i need to be a depender (on God), a pray-er, a lover, a giver, ... and at the end of the day, i need to be a depender and a pray-er again.
on another note... but related... we recently moved to pinehurst, nc and i am enjoying it (except for the roaches) and our neighbors are really great...all grandparent folk. well, our next door neighbor came over and was trying to sell me on sending Oliver to VBS b/c it would give me a break and i must really need one and i can just rotate him to one VBS after another in the area because that is what "a lot of moms do around here." crazy thinking to me. i will only enroll my children in programs that i think will benefit them, not necessarily me. (not to mention, i would still have 2 kids at home that are used to having their big brother to play with so it would be a little challenging; definitely not a break!) ;) there will be other opportunities for VBS. we just moved in!
anyhow, i am always struck by the fact that our culture incessantly sees children as an interupption, an inconvenience, and otherwise just plain expensive. i have to fight this mentality. i used to think life was about me and about what i did and what i accomplished, and what i experienced, and who i became for God. it was all about finding myself, my niche. a book i'm reading right now called Beyond the Masquerade by Julianna Slattery makes the point that we need to get past trying to find ourselves and rather focus on finding God, seeking God, learning more of God. For that will bring humility... and that is what we really need. Humility before God will make us passionate and purposeful in this life. Not "trying to find ourselves."
This is a good thought to take to heart.
well, i guess i did have my break today. afterall, i am writing this. ;)
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