Dating & Romance

Reflecting on a Focus on the Family broadcast that featured Tommy Nelson. He wrote a book called The Book of Romance (I think) and his message based on this book was really beautiful. The way he described dating and courtship sounded so simple and so wise.

Dating: Dating is observation. Date someone to get to know them more. Observe their character, their conversation, their reactions, and more. After dating 4-5 weeks, it is time to have a DTR. Define the Relationship. Are you moving into Courtship (I like you a lot and I would like to continue to get to know you. I don't know yet if God would have us get married, but I want to find out. What are your thoughts? Do you feel the same way? Do you feel differently?) You may feel disappointed if the person does not want to continue to date. But it is better to know. Much better to know before you are too entangled. You can separate and probably keep a friend.

Courtship: Supposing that the two both want to continue in the relationship, there will be a sense of excitement present. There will also be a sense of wanting to know God more and grow closer to Him. I remember a friend, a mentor, when I was young... he asked me if the guy I was dating made me happy, and also if he made me closer to God. Did he encourage me to strive after God more? You want to be with someone that is going to help you grow, not bring you down.
Another aspect of Courtship is having a more serious conversation. Just one is needed. Each person must open up about who they were... mistakes or traumas... whatever needs to be in the light. And each will forgive readily. If one does not forgive, the relationship is not a good one. Marriage requires one to walk in forgiveness.

A caution during dating as well as courtship... don't move too fast... either conversationally, or physically. Be patient.

For me, I think that the physical attraction received too much attention and the relationships I found my self in were far too physical in nature. There was not a Date and then another and then another, and then a DTR... and then a Courtship... It wasn't linear at all. It was a complete mess and sometimes I am amazed I married a good man. I was completely distracted by the physical and addicted to love (wanting to feel loved.) I wasn't concerned about being a lovable woman, being a godly woman, being faithful to my future spouse... none of this even crossed my mind. I wish it had... and the moments that I did see some light, I wish I would have listened rather than despaired. So... what now? I can mentor my children and any others God sends my way.

Dreaming for His Glory

This week I have been thinking about dreams, due to the book I am reading, From Good to Great in God's Eyes, by Chip Ingram. What is God's dream for me? After some reflection I have decided that I need to pray further about this. I don't think I dream enough. Certainly not big enough. It is kind of sad really.

Not to say that life is all about accomplishing all you can, but rather loving the God who gives us the opportunity to do great things for His glory. What does great look like? Who knows what God has in mind? Being willing, open, courageous, and ready... that is where I need to be.

The week closed out in tragedy as someone I knew only from afar, but I admired and respected, took his own life. He was a leader that seemed close to God, and he was being used by Him consistently to encourage others. This dream ended abruptly, with confusion and sadness remaining. Still a state of disbelief is about me.

I pray many cling to the Savior in this time. For me, dreams get replaced with discouragement and doubt. And I have to fight it. I have to go to Jesus, our only hope, again and again. 

Too good to be true?

We read the Bible and find out that God’s love is immense, so much so that it is really beyond what we can fathom. It is also unmerited. It can be hard to internalize, and I wonder why. I believe the Scripture whole-heartedly after examining it and asking many questions in my youth. The reality that Jesus came, lived a righteous life, died, was buried, and rose again on the third day are not things I question any longer. Yet although he came and lived and died for me, it is hard for me to understand his great love (and I am one of those people that like to understand everything!) I know in my mind that it is truly beyond comprehension, but at the same time I long to grasp His love more and more, because it is the security of His love that will give me peace, joy, and the ability to live life well.

Perhaps it is the society we live in, perhaps it is our human nature, but I find myself stuck on the thought that God’s love seems too good to be true. As soon as I say it, I know it is a lie. I know that it is true for a variety of reasons, including the fact that the story of salvation in Jesus is certainly not something humankind would make up. We naturally live by weights and measures, good deeds vs. bad deeds, complete with rewards and punishments.

God’s unmerited favor, his grace, is totally unfair. This can be viewed positively or negatively. Positively I am in awe of God’s saving grace through Jesus, knowing that I deserve nothing but death. Negatively, I know that sin pollutes the world, and I somewhat guard myself, bracing myself for something catastrophic to happen to me. This negative perspective breeds a spirit of fear rather than a spirit of hope, gratefulness for each day, and joy in the moment. Instead I begin to fear God’s grace running out. I fail to trust Him fully with my life and my family. I have a hard time accepting the gifts of life and love, because I wonder if it will be taken away. (Think Job.)

I know this perspective is skewed and wrong, but I wrestle with the emotions around it.

To date there are two things that have helped me manage my fears, as well as grasp God’s love and live by it a little bit more. First, a little book by Tim Keller called Prodigal God helped me picture God as my Father. He became more real to me through that sermon series turned book.  So I look back and remind myself of the Scripture there, and also elsewhere…. I keep preaching the gospel to myself essentially. I seek to fill my mind with what is right and good, and in time I trust those truths will become a part of me.

Second, my children have given me a hope in the God who loves us for the simple reason that I love my kids so much. No matter what they do, no matter what happens, I can’t imagine my love for them ever going away. Why not? Because they’re my kids. They do not realize the love I have for them, nor do they understand all that I do for them or why I tell them “no” or “wait” at times.

God's love is completely beyond the love of a parent for his child. We are His children, and He is the perfect parent.

I hope my children get a taste of that agape love, even in our imperfect home. I hope and pray they won’t wrestle as much with accepting the reality of God’s love because they saw it lived in this place. May God help us believe and love Him more and more.



We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 1 John 4:16-18

Because of Him

Lately I have been reminded that whatever good I do, it is because of Jesus. I really can't do any good on my own. If I do something good, it is because he allows me too. I want to give him honor and praise and thanks for the opportunities to encourage, serve, love, grow, and live.

I have also been struck by the fact that God can and does redeem. I have messed things up royally in some cases. Wondering how in the world I can fix it, it becomes clear that whatever I do will just make things worse. But then there is this hope, this thought, this smile in my heart... because I know that what I made a mess, God can make amends for, causing growth and good changes... and I am so grateful. Of course I wish I didn't make a mess. But I'm so glad that things can still work out... even if it is the long route, the hard road, the difficult path... hopefully all involved will be more dependent on Him because of it. 

Common Idols

The past year and a half has been a time of learning to love God and trust God at a whole new level.

First, I had the privilege of reading Prodigal God, by Tim Keller along with a group. I was really challenged to think of God as my Father... my Father who loves me... and desires my love in return. The highly religious person can be just as lost, if not more lost than the rebel. One can be too focused on God's "stuff" when what matters is God Himself. Do I love Him? or His stuff?

Next, my husband connected with an old friend on FB that happened to be a woman. This devastated me for various reasons. While I think I responded best by going to God about it, he did not take the situation away. Again I have been challenged: do I love Him, trust Him? In The Meaning of Marriage (again, by Tim Keller! and his wife) I realized that a wife can have a tendency to idolize her husband--that is, make him the most important. While desiring a close and healthy marriage is totally good, I am challenged to consider that the Lord Jesus is to be my first love, my husband for eternity.

Last, an acquaintance recently passed away. She was just a year older than me and left behind her husband and 2 very young children. While I grieve for the husband, I have felt more angry about the children being left without a mother. I feel like my anger is justified and good... losing one's parent(s)  as a child is horrible. I hate that there are so many orphans in the world. It just weighs my heart down. I have great love for my children, and I would hate to have to leave them. And so the third idol has come to my attention. My devotional yesterday (Jesus Calling) labeled it point blank. Parental love has its place, but I need to trust God with my loved ones.

My heart has been a bit restless, I admit. I know that I can only find rest in Jesus, but I find myself holding back and holding on. I pray that God increases my faith and helps me to let go. In His mercy He is bringing this important matter up: Do I really love Him?

Terrible Twos?

Watching my two year old this morning I began to wonder why two year olds got labeled so poorly ... people often talk about those "terrible twos"... I suppose my experience has been that age 3 and 4 are a little more challenging as a child needs more and more correction and guidance. I actually love the 1-2 year old time... there is less distraction for the child. The child is focused on the parent much more at this time than as they grow beyond these years. The child is listening, watching, and always right there beside you. They are influenced, for the good or the bad. I am convicted of what a crucial time each stage of parenting is, even when it is draining for the parent at times (Can I go to the bathroom alone please?) This is an age for establishing a strong relationship.

Recently a pastor of mine talked about how Jesus told us to be like little children in order to enter the kingdom of God. He mentioned that Jesus was probably referencing a child that was about 2 years old.
When I look at my 6 year old, for example, and my 2 year old... my conclusion is that he is right. My 2 year old is definitely trusting, loving, adoring, utterly dependent.  These traits can begin to wane as we age. We become independent, untrusting, focused on self, loving self.

BTW, I'm so glad that we do not drain our Lord. I'm glad he can take all of us, even the tantrums that flare up at times.

For me, I don't think the twos are quite so terrible. I am learning from my two year old how to relate to my Lord.

Solo

For the past several months I have been using the Solo Duo devotional. It has been a great tool for getting in God's word and making me sit and reflect on it. It was also a great follow up after reading The Prodigal God and just desiring to relate to my Father. The Solo Duo includes just the New Testament, and I'm not sure it is sold or not--we had it given to us through the Navigator Military ministry. The Solo devotional is sold in stores and it includes excerpts from the entire Bible. The translation is The Message so it definitely gives the reader a fresh look at the Scripture. Sometimes it makes one go back to look at the NIV or ESV--which is good.

Anyway, Rudy got me the Solo for Christmas and I have been in some passages focusing on God's holiness-- Exodus, Leviticus...Yesterday I read about not being hard-headed or stubborn, and also going the road that is set before you.

I have been trying to think on the hard-headed part, but the part about going the road before me keeps coming up in my mind and I realize how hard it is to trust God even though I know so much (or I feel like I know so much) about Him. I know the Truth from His Word, but it is still hard to live in the place where I I really know in my heart that He is in control, He works all things for the good of the those who love Him, and that He actually truly loves me.

In the fall I learned I was pregnant again and unfortunately this time around I have had some real struggle with fearing death. I am feeling better in the 2nd trimester now, but when I don't feel well, I get anxious. Real anxious. I can't stand the thought of leaving this earth anytime soon. I don't want to leave my husband, my young children.

And I know my perspective is wrong. But it is hard to walk the road ahead of you when you don't know where it is going. I know someone right now where that path looks to be heading toward death. Young woman, young children at home. Husband in prime of career. It just seems wrong.

Where can we go and what can we do? Ultimately we are not in control. Not in the slightest. We have to force ourselves not to compare, not to judge, not to covet... and live the life God has set before us. Each and everyday--making the most of the moments. And at the end of the day, at the end of our lives, hopefully we can be at peace, with God's help.