Solo

For the past several months I have been using the Solo Duo devotional. It has been a great tool for getting in God's word and making me sit and reflect on it. It was also a great follow up after reading The Prodigal God and just desiring to relate to my Father. The Solo Duo includes just the New Testament, and I'm not sure it is sold or not--we had it given to us through the Navigator Military ministry. The Solo devotional is sold in stores and it includes excerpts from the entire Bible. The translation is The Message so it definitely gives the reader a fresh look at the Scripture. Sometimes it makes one go back to look at the NIV or ESV--which is good.

Anyway, Rudy got me the Solo for Christmas and I have been in some passages focusing on God's holiness-- Exodus, Leviticus...Yesterday I read about not being hard-headed or stubborn, and also going the road that is set before you.

I have been trying to think on the hard-headed part, but the part about going the road before me keeps coming up in my mind and I realize how hard it is to trust God even though I know so much (or I feel like I know so much) about Him. I know the Truth from His Word, but it is still hard to live in the place where I I really know in my heart that He is in control, He works all things for the good of the those who love Him, and that He actually truly loves me.

In the fall I learned I was pregnant again and unfortunately this time around I have had some real struggle with fearing death. I am feeling better in the 2nd trimester now, but when I don't feel well, I get anxious. Real anxious. I can't stand the thought of leaving this earth anytime soon. I don't want to leave my husband, my young children.

And I know my perspective is wrong. But it is hard to walk the road ahead of you when you don't know where it is going. I know someone right now where that path looks to be heading toward death. Young woman, young children at home. Husband in prime of career. It just seems wrong.

Where can we go and what can we do? Ultimately we are not in control. Not in the slightest. We have to force ourselves not to compare, not to judge, not to covet... and live the life God has set before us. Each and everyday--making the most of the moments. And at the end of the day, at the end of our lives, hopefully we can be at peace, with God's help.