The past year and a half has been a time of learning to love God and trust God at a whole new level.
First, I had the privilege of reading Prodigal God, by Tim Keller along with a group. I was really challenged to think of God as my Father... my Father who loves me... and desires my love in return. The highly religious person can be just as lost, if not more lost than the rebel. One can be too focused on God's "stuff" when what matters is God Himself. Do I love Him? or His stuff?
Next, my husband connected with an old friend on FB that happened to be a woman. This devastated me for various reasons. While I think I responded best by going to God about it, he did not take the situation away. Again I have been challenged: do I love Him, trust Him? In The Meaning of Marriage (again, by Tim Keller! and his wife) I realized that a wife can have a tendency to idolize her husband--that is, make him the most important. While desiring a close and healthy marriage is totally good, I am challenged to consider that the Lord Jesus is to be my first love, my husband for eternity.
Last, an acquaintance recently passed away. She was just a year older than me and left behind her husband and 2 very young children. While I grieve for the husband, I have felt more angry about the children being left without a mother. I feel like my anger is justified and good... losing one's parent(s) as a child is horrible. I hate that there are so many orphans in the world. It just weighs my heart down. I have great love for my children, and I would hate to have to leave them. And so the third idol has come to my attention. My devotional yesterday (Jesus Calling) labeled it point blank. Parental love has its place, but I need to trust God with my loved ones.
My heart has been a bit restless, I admit. I know that I can only find rest in Jesus, but I find myself holding back and holding on. I pray that God increases my faith and helps me to let go. In His mercy He is bringing this important matter up: Do I really love Him?
First, I had the privilege of reading Prodigal God, by Tim Keller along with a group. I was really challenged to think of God as my Father... my Father who loves me... and desires my love in return. The highly religious person can be just as lost, if not more lost than the rebel. One can be too focused on God's "stuff" when what matters is God Himself. Do I love Him? or His stuff?
Next, my husband connected with an old friend on FB that happened to be a woman. This devastated me for various reasons. While I think I responded best by going to God about it, he did not take the situation away. Again I have been challenged: do I love Him, trust Him? In The Meaning of Marriage (again, by Tim Keller! and his wife) I realized that a wife can have a tendency to idolize her husband--that is, make him the most important. While desiring a close and healthy marriage is totally good, I am challenged to consider that the Lord Jesus is to be my first love, my husband for eternity.
Last, an acquaintance recently passed away. She was just a year older than me and left behind her husband and 2 very young children. While I grieve for the husband, I have felt more angry about the children being left without a mother. I feel like my anger is justified and good... losing one's parent(s) as a child is horrible. I hate that there are so many orphans in the world. It just weighs my heart down. I have great love for my children, and I would hate to have to leave them. And so the third idol has come to my attention. My devotional yesterday (Jesus Calling) labeled it point blank. Parental love has its place, but I need to trust God with my loved ones.
My heart has been a bit restless, I admit. I know that I can only find rest in Jesus, but I find myself holding back and holding on. I pray that God increases my faith and helps me to let go. In His mercy He is bringing this important matter up: Do I really love Him?
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